Wedding: The Process of Removing Weeds

My wife and I went to a wedding on Saturday. It was a lovely affair. It was an outside wedding and the weather was absolutely perfect. I noticed this about weddings; the trend used to be to throw rice as a farewell to the bride and groom. Well, apparently, rice kills pigeons, so it’s politically correct to blow bubbles or use sparklers or whatever for the walking-out-to-the-car-for-honeymoon-part. This is strange anyway because don’t people hate pigeons? I thought people wanted pigeons dead. I guess the proprietors at these wedding venues don’t want to pick up pigeon carcasses after every wedding. They should just leave them on the ground and let nature take its course. When the next wedding party walks out, the property owners can just tell them, “It was God’s plan for those pigeons. They needed to die for that previous wedding to be a success – a modern day holy sacrifice if you will. Soon more pigeons will sacrifice themselves for you.”

I’ve been to at least 10 weddings in the last year and a half, and if memory serves me, a majority went with the sparkler thing. This wedding in Austin attempted to do the same thing. They were going to get sparklers and have everyone line up on the walk way out. Well, when they went to open up the box of sparklers, there were just strings of Black Cats! This wedding was planned down to the smallest detail and this element had gone under the radar. The people in charge were not going to let anyone down, so we just used the Black Cats. We were instructed to throw them at the bride and groom’s feet. Everyone got lighters and started untwisting the fireworks in preparation for this joyous moment.

When they finally came out and started walking down the path, it was a flurry of popping and flinching. The fireworks were going off everywhere: at the couple’s feet, in throwers’ hands, and random spots in the air. When they finally made it to the end, it was as if they made it through a war-zone. Moans of agony were heard in the background as soot covered faces looked on in relief that it was over.

Well, this didn’t actually happen. This is what went on through my head as I softly and gently waved my sparkler in a figure eight as they calmly and peaceful walked out of the venue. 

Here is a picture that summarizes what I just wrote - in case you don't like to read. 

ACL 2010 Day Two

This is going to be short and I might come back and edit it. The second day was much better in every way. We went with some of my sister-in-law's friends and met some others there. One of which was a guy. That was nice. What up, Evan! Also, one of the friends' boyfriend drove us and picked us up. That makes a huge difference because we didn't have to walk as far or wait for cabs.

First Show: Gaslight Anthem -- they are a band from New Jersey who plays rock in the style of Bruce Springsteen with more of a punk rock feel. They were fantastic live and put on an excellent show. It was a great way to start the day.

Here is one of their songs:


Second Show: Broken Bells. We didn't see this whole show because we wanted to get a good seat for the next show. They sounded good but I'm not a huge fan, so I don't really know their songs. Danger Mouse + Shins lead singer = good.

Third Show: The XX. The only way I can describe this band is smoldering, gothy Brits. Actually, they are more like Morrissey. They were awesome. They basically played the whole album from beginning to end. This is the point were SIL's friend started taking all of the pictures. She was a fine arts major focusing in photography. You can't really tell here, but some of her pictures looked like they were from a crazy, stalker fan. Extreme close ups.

Fourth Show: Deadmau5. This was the best show. Deadmau5 is just straight up dancy, techno. The stage lit up and put on an amazing light show plus he wears a mouse mask that lights up. He did his DJing in the top corner of a cube. Try to figure it out with this video. If the jostling bothers you, move to the 4th minute. Here is a pic too. Pictures were really tough because of all of the movement and dancing, etc.

Fifth Show: Muse. We didn't really watch this one. As usual by the end of the day, we are exhausted and ready to go. We saw a few songs but Muse sucks anyway.

ACL '10

This post won't be very funny; it'll mostly tell you about our great time at ACL. Our group is a small one: my wife, my sister-in-law and me. We are somewhat seasoned festival goers at this point, but we learn something new every time. We learned long ago that personal toilet paper is key because for some reason they end up all wet in the port-o-potties. Who knew that drunken college kids couldn't keep toilet paper clean? We also learned long ago that they won't give you Advil at the medical tent, so we bring that. I learned that a festival like this requires A LOT of walking. There isn't a close drop off, so attendees must walk several miles down the road to get there. I'd prefer to wear flip-flops but tennies are the only way. Yesterday, I learned that I need another guy to go with me. Don't get me wrong, I obviously love my wife and am extremely close to my SIL, but it's like, come on. They talk about girl stuff like make-up and stickers and ponies or whatever. Mental note for next year: bring a guy.


Here is a quick run down of our first day. First off, we are staying with my sister and brother-in-law, which is awesome because hotel rates are through the roof during this event. We woke up around 9:00 am and started our packing. Since my wife and I came from out of town, we had our stuff already mostly packed. After we did this, we set off for the type of food that makes the most sense for an all day, outside affair: Mexican food. We got back and everyone had tummy aches. Nice. As far as I know, no one had any issues though. My brother-in-law dropped us all off a close to the entrance as possible -- still about 3 miles away. My BIL doesn't go because he has really bad allergies and Zilker part ends up being a dust field after 80,000 people kick the grass around. We made our walk and it was pleasant enough. The weather in Austin is low 70's in the morning and mid 80's in the afternoon. Not bad for Texas in October -- in fact, unseasonably cool.


We made it in and I bought some t-shirts. I mean, how would anyone know that I went if I didn't have a t-shirt that says so? We bought some beers and laid our blanket out at a spot near the stage where Blues Traveler was playing. I'm not a huge Blues Traveler fan but John Popper is pretty awesome at the lost art of harmonica playing. He didn't disappoint. They played their hits and a few covers (Radiohead's "Creep" and Sublime's "What I Got"). Here is the picture of the stage. As you can tell, we were pretty far back.

We just hung out at that stage for the next show: The Black Keys. They are a two-man band that plays blues heavy rock. We moved up quite a bit to where we could actually see the performers. It got super crowded up there. Normally, this isn't too big of a concern but none of us are big fans of this band. I wondered why we were subjecting ourselves to this for a band no one wanted to see. Needless to say, this was probably the low point of the day.

Our next show was Slightly Stoopid -- they're a ska-ish type band that my SIL likes. We sat near the back for this so we'd be able to get out easily for Ryan Bingham (the main person we wanted to see that day). This show was pretty good, but I didn't know any of their songs.

We left Slightly Stoopid early to get a good spot for Ryan Bingham. He is a Texas country singer with a gravelly voice. I don't like country at all but this guy is awesome (Note: if you saw the movie Crazy Heart, the song "The Weary Kind" is his song). We were successful and got a spot right in the middle and  pretty close up. His show was the best of the day. He ended it with "Bread and Water" and it was awesome.

The last show we saw was The Strokes. They were great, too. They played hit after hit. I guess that's the beauty as a fan of the band having not released an album in 10 years -- no sucky new songs. We left this a little early so we could get a cab home. Quite a few more beers were consumed after that first one. Did I forget to mention that? In the cab line, people were being allowed to cut in line because they wet themselves. Interesting. This creates a whole series of problems; mainly, the idea that someone will be getting in that cab after them. I'm sure our cab was clean. Our African driver seemed to be of the meticulous sort I assumed.


We got home at 9:50 and went to bed at 10:30. Does that mean I'm getting old?


Oh yeah, we ran into this famous Austinite homeless person named Leslie. He usually gets like 3% of the mayoral vote. You can't tell in the picture but he's a semi-cross dresser. He's wearing a skirt and a bra. Here is our picture with him.

Austin, TX - Part II

I never take pictures when I go places. I have an iPhone and 90% of the pictures I’ve taken with it are of my dogs. I have pictures of them posed in oh so many cute ways. Here is one with Earl wearing a babushka. He looks like a Russian peasant woman just in from tilling the soil.

The temperature in Austin was great – 89 degrees and not a touch of humidity. If anyone ever reads this that doesn’t live in Texas, you’d probably think, is this guy crazy? 89 degrees is hot! Well, Houston is 90 degrees with 200% humidity. This is not hyperbole; it’s so humid that needles on a pine tree even get frizzy. Girls, you know what’s up! Here is a shot of Austin from my hotel. It’s just of I-35. It’s where my hotel was facing, but I’m sure you can tell it’s a nice day. Also, Austin’s terrain is pretty hilly. I must have found the one flat angle.

Later that night, we went to Trudy’s. They have these things called Mexican Martini’s there. They are very tasty, but the waiting staff will only serve you two of them. I asked the waitress what was in them, but she wouldn’t tell me. I told her I have allergic reactions to certain types of alcohol, and she told me everyone does. Touché, waitress. Here is a picture of the Trudy’s sign. Pretty fancy. Notice the bicycles, Houston; they bike to places.

The night progressed and, eventually, we made it back to our hotel. While we waited for some of our friends to get back, a delightful artist/bum asked if he could draw a picture of us. We paid him $5 and this is what we got:

It actually looks like all of us. I was pretty impressed though I was a little concerned because the paper he used was covered in these brown smudges. Brown smudges automatically conjure up images of you-know-what, and the fact that this was coming from a bum made me even more suspicious. I have a friend who said he saw a bum using a McDonald’s cup as a restroom once. Would it be so weird that a bum’s paper could have multifaceted purposes? Oh well.



That is the end of my Austin story for this time. My wife and I are going to Austin City Limits in a few weeks so maybe there will be more to come.

Austin -wrote this on my iPhone. Errors probably rampant

I'm in Austin this weekend and being here reaffirms the idea that it's my Mecca. I don't want to live here because the city's magical nature would diminish. It's like if I got to ride a flying unicorn to work everyday, it wouldn't be as cool eventually. It would end up being too much work because I'd have to brush it's hair and shine it's horn. Unicorn maintenance is just a tough endeavor; I'm sure I don't have to tell you.


Austin has this magical atmosphere that's filled with drag rats and weirdos. Everyone should live here for a while and then the world would be a better place. Austin fosters acceptance. My opinions of people who are different from me changed completely after living here for 4 years. I'm a better person for living here. I imagine if I lived in College Station during my college years, I would have passed the time shopping for anti-University of Texas items online (anti-UT stickers, coolers, spatulas, caulking gun, couches, etc.) and adding to my Rush Limbaugh shrine. Note: I'm aware of the irony of saying that I'm super accepting and then dissing A&M. It's stereotyping, not dissing! Seriously, A&M is a fine place and their Arian community produces lots of good people.


Back to Austin, one of the things I love here is the restaurant selection. Im sure you could have guessed I would write that. You're probably surprised I didn't specify and say, buffets. Anyways, there are way more mom and pop type of places here. We went to Kirby Lane yesterday and we're going to Stubb's tonight. If you haven't lived here then you don't know what I'm talking about. That's the way it should be! Unique places? What a novel idea! Also, you can walk around here. In Houston, we're like the fat people in Wall-E. The number of fatties using Rascals at the grocery store to buy more cheesecake disturbs me.


I know Austin isn't perfect. I'm getting old and college kids bother me. But, it's nice to come here and pretend it's perfect.