Benny Hinn vs. Benny Hill

Recently, my dear Grandma turned 80 years old. While her physical health has been steadily failing for the past 10 years or so, she has managed to ward of dementia and Alzheimer’s. She might not be certifiably mentally ill but she is crazy to some degree; she’s got the old person crazies. At some point, people just get to this point where logic becomes personal and not universal. In her mind, the things she does just make sense, and it doesn’t matter if it makes sense to anyone else on God’s green earth.

My grandma watches Benny Hinn obsessively. Side note: I thought Benny Hinn was the ass grabbing Benny Hill for most of my youth. It would have been much cooler if my grandma watched Benny Hill all the time. 

Benny Hill looking at some boobs.

Benny Hinn looking sincere.

How obsessively, do you ask? She has a library of composition notebooks filled with notes and diagrams – not unlike John Doe from Se7en. Her notes, however, aren’t filled with the psychotic ramblings of a serial killer; they are filled with the psychotic ramblings of an evangelist. By the way, if me calling him a psychotic evangelist bothers you, feel free to stop reading my blog. Back to my original point, I don’t get the logic in my grandma’s head that compels her to actually take notes. Does she do it so she can go back and reference what he said? Maybe if she’s not clear on a point, she can go back to make sure. “Man, what is God’s stance on homosexuals? I just can’t remember if he’s pro or con. Let me get over to the card catalog and figure out where Benny talked about that before. It should be under H for homosexual. Ah, here it is: Homosexuals will burn in Hell. Oh yeah, God hates gays. Duh.”

She also has become somewhat of a hoarder. Again, I don’t think this has anything to do with getting older because she’s always been a hoarder. She doesn’t quite reach the status of the people on the TV show Hoarders. Like when her cat died, she properly disposed of the body and didn’t let it rot under a stack of newspapers from 1939 (though she does have the newspapers for it). She holds onto magazines, newspapers and trinkets and protects them fiercely. My mom and aunt had to devise a scheme to get my Grandma out of the house so one of them could start throwing stuff away. I wish I saved the message my mom left me about what to get my grandma for her birthday. I went something like, “Nothing that goes inside of her house. She doesn’t need any more garbage.”

With all of that being said, I love my grandma, and while she’s in the twilight of her life, she should be able to do whatever she wants.

…except having towering stacks of old Houston Posts and Reader’s Digests in her house that could possibly create an physical avalanche of old information.

Both of these clips are hilarious