No One is Reading This

I can’t write anything funny because I’m listening to the Republican National Convention. I would feel the same if I were listening to the Democrat version (so don’t jump on me if you’re a nut - also, stop reading my unattended blog). I’ve noticed a similarity between politicians and International House Hunters: both say things in an obviously, certain way. International House Hunters (when they are showing a prospective couple one of three houses): “This is your NEW full bath with granite tile.” RNC or DNC (? – is that what it’s called): “Your NEXT vice president: Prof. Wienerton.”

It’s like we already bought it. Is that supposed to convince me? Is it a Jedi mind trick? Maybe I should start doing that. “Wife, this is your new set of laundry to fold.”

Also, I’m hearing quite a bit of chanting. Maybe we should chant more as a society. I feel like it really gets the message across. “Ice Cream! Ice Cream! Ice Cream!” Maybe that would get the ball rolling: WE WANT MORE ICE CREAM. No more ineffective cream!

I just heard, “God bless, Neil Armstrong.” Don’t get me wrong; he was a great hero. But, is this pandering to the Nth degree? I need to start pandering.Me standing in front of the TV in a suit with my right hand raised as if talking to God and my eyes filled with a tender hopefulness: “God Bless my wife for her excellent Chinese food ordering skills. She is the true. American. Hero.”

I need to get into politics. I’ve got it figured out. I could definitely get more stuff.