The first lie that cartoons taught me was that men bring flowers on the first date. I ask, why would a guy bring flowers on the first date? I bet most women would think that’s too forward rather than a sweet gesture. They’d think, what am I supposed to do with these? Do I carry them around with me?
Well, if The Simpsons, Bugs Bunny, and Family Guy have taught me anything, it’s that guys bring flowers on the first date. Obviously, a first date is an important thing – you want to make a good impression, show the girl you like her, and, hopefully, trick her into thinking there is something to you. Well, flowers are more of an anniversary thing and not a first date thing – or better yet a making up thing. If you give a girl flowers on the first date, she’s going to think, what did this jerk off already do? Did he run over my cat? Did he already date one of my other friends? An overall sense of suspicion will occur.
Also, the cartoons always go to really nice places. Uh, where do you go from there? I accidentally took a girl to a fancy steakhouse on our first date thinking it was a hamburger place once. Needless to say, I ultimately had to end the budding relationship because I had nowhere else to go from there. Applebee’s would have seemed like a dump… err… well, it is.
Secondly, cartoons lied to me about showing a sexy leg around a corner. Here is a picture to demonstrate:
Bugs Bunny and the wolf from the Tom and Jerry cartoons did it all the time to lure their enemy to some TNT. Well, I did the sexy leg showing to my wife and she laughed at me. That’s right, she laughed – at ME!!! I have nice, tan legs and she didn’t respond in a turned on way. It was more of a laughing kind of way.
Maybe I’m watching the wrong cartoons. Maybe Sponge Bob has better advice for women.