Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Two Lies from Cartoons

The first lie that cartoons taught me was that men bring flowers on the first date. I ask, why would a guy bring flowers on the first date? I bet most women would think that’s too forward rather than a sweet gesture. They’d think, what am I supposed to do with these? Do I carry them around with me?

Well, if The Simpsons, Bugs Bunny, and Family Guy have taught me anything, it’s that guys bring flowers on the first date.  Obviously, a first date is an important thing – you want to make a good impression, show the girl you like her, and, hopefully, trick her into thinking there is something to you. Well, flowers are more of an anniversary thing and not a first date thing – or better yet a making up thing. If you give a girl flowers on the first date, she’s going to think, what did this jerk off already do? Did he run over my cat? Did he already date one of my other friends? An overall sense of suspicion will occur.

Also, the cartoons always go to really nice places. Uh, where do you go from there? I accidentally took a girl to a fancy steakhouse on our first date thinking it was a hamburger place once. Needless to say, I ultimately had to end the budding relationship because I had nowhere else to go from there. Applebee’s would have seemed like a dump… err… well, it is.

Secondly, cartoons lied to me about showing a sexy leg around a corner. Here is a picture to demonstrate:

Bugs Bunny and the wolf from the Tom and Jerry cartoons did it all the time to lure their enemy to some TNT. Well, I did the sexy leg showing to my wife and she laughed at me. That’s right, she laughed – at ME!!! I have nice, tan legs and she didn’t respond in a turned on way. It was more of a laughing kind of way.  

Maybe I’m watching the wrong cartoons. Maybe Sponge Bob has better advice for women.


  1. I think you probably have hairy legs and that might be why.

    And women really are not attracted to legs. Most women are attracted to arms or butts or chins or something.

    But I like flowers on a first date. It's sweet.

  2. To Chanel-

    My legs are almost hairless; it's natural, mind you. I'm not a hairy guy. They are sexy - believe me.

    When you get those flowers on the first date, what do you expect on the second? A tennis bracelet?!?

  3. Maybe you should try wearing heels to show off your nearly hairless legs? *shrugs*

    I think flowers are only acceptable on a first date if the couple in question were originally friends who secretly had the hots for each other for months (or years) before one of them to the risk to admit his or her feelings.

    That or maybe the cat was runover. :-P


  4. I agree about flowers on a first date- kinda makes the guy seem skeezy, like he's hiding something. Of course I think I watched every episode of Blind Date and that might be why. Remember that show? Also, instead of getting a tennis bracelet the next date, they should get a nice houseplant. From there, a tree.

  5. I think you are also supposed to yell "yooohhhooo" in a very high voice.

  6. lol... the sexy leg gag gets me every frickin time.

  7. Well, showing your legs worked for Carrie in Sex and the City, so maybe it's time you switch from cartoons to mediocre female shows? Cartoons also teach you that you can die and come back to life, and I'm pretty sure that's not the case in real-life. But I definitely wouldn't mind living in a Pineapple under the sea.

  8. I got flowers on a first date once. I thought it was nice, but I also did think it was a little much. About a month later he dumped me for a girl in California. When I was like, how can you be dumping me for someone you just met in another state, he was like, well, I didn't just meet her. He had met her at a wedding a few months before and had planned the trip to go see her again. So as it turned out, he was kind of a dick.