Monday, May 16, 2011

Ooo... nice.

In my last post, I wrote about being a man of routine. And, one recent major hiccup in my routine of work, gym, and sleep has been going to the chiropractor. I mentioned in an earlier post how I was nervous about getting my neck popped. You’ll be happy to know that he popped my neck without paralyzing me. In fact, I have found the whole process to be great. It’s like getting a manly massage.

I feel like getting a normal massage is girly. I got one in the Bahamas when I got married, and while it felt good, I felt silly the whole time. I kept wanting to say, “Harder.” I don’t know what my deal is but I just wanted to be pounded like a piece of meat being tenderized. Am I a latent homosexual? Your call.

Well, my chiropractor meets those… needs. He’s like 190 lbs and just puts all of his weight into popping my back. He really seems to like it, too. And, I get it. I like popping my wife’s toes. Whenever she’s lying in bed, I walk by and pull her toes until they pop. I don’t know if it’s just me or if it’s a guy thing.

When he starts popping me, he lets out noises and expressions of satisfaction. He’ll pop my neck and say, “Ah, that’s the stuff, “or just, “Ooo.. nice.” He asks me, “Does that feel good?” every time he pops my neck. He’s obviously getting some enjoyment from popping my poppable places. Like, I said, I get it. I think being a chiropractor would be the best job ever. Just sit around all day popping people’s backs and getting that money.

I wonder if he gets home and talks about popping people’s backs to his wife. “Ah, honey, there was this big guy here and I just wrecked his back. I just put all of my weight on his back and BAM! Just fantastic. Oh God, it was fantastic.”

She probably gets annoyed with it.

But, I’d get it.


  1. I used to pop my wife's back. I swear it felt better for me than for her. Never had my own back done, though.

  2. I don't even like the gentle "girly" massages. They hurt because my back is always tense and doesn't know the meaning of the word "relaxed."

    Would a chiropractor help?


    Will I go?


    And by the way, wanting to be pounded like that doesn't mean you're gay. You just sound like a masochist. "Oh, yeah! Beat me again! Harder! Harder, I say!"

    (I have no idea if that's how it sounds since I don't like being beaten.)

  3. This post almost made me faint. I can't stand the sound of joints popping. I keep thinking about your poor wife's little toes.

    I am not sure your are a latent homo but it sounds like your chiropractor may be... think about it.

  4. To Brent-

    You should do it. It feels great! When your kid gets bigger, you can make him walk on your back. Just as good.

    To Chanel-

    Maybe I am a masochist. But I think when you're a bigger person, it just takes a little... more.

    Life's Highway-


  5. I was really liked it too! It made me laugh out loud. I think you should start working on a book, like a Dave Barry type book, or something but definately do it. Since this is your Mom, don't post this comment.


  6. Maybe it's along the same vein of satisfaction you get from popping bubble wrap? I wish I could pop bubble wrap for a living. Backs, not so much. My dad does the same thing to my mom's toes. I find it disturbing.

  7. You need a massage from my trainer. He is a massive hulk-like guy at 250+ pounds, super tall. He invented this power tool contraption that he's used on me (and his other clients) several times. I think one time it was so intense that the entire sides of my legs were black and blue!!!


  8. I like massages rough too! For some reason they give me fits of giggles though.

    I also like popping things. My ex got me hooked on that (funny, he did the toe popping thing too!)