Thursday, August 19, 2010

Hillbilly v. Redneck

My wife and I got into a discussion the other day regarding which term is more offensive: redneck or hillbilly. My wife believes redneck to be worse; while I went with hillbilly. Here is my point-counterpoint against myself.

1. Literal Meanings

Redneck: They have red necks. What exactly does this mean? Is it simply because working outside can result in sun burnt necks? Too simple. It has to be because someone got slapped on the back of their neck. “Bubba, ya dumass. Tha ho’se shit go in that pile. Yo shit go in that pile.” SMACK

Hillbilly: Well, if the word is broken down the first part is hill. When I think of hills, Heidi and Spencer come to mind. By the way, how sad is it that I can say their first names and you get it? Shame on you. Billy makes me think of goats. Goats will eat anything, right? I’ve seen them eat cans and so forth on Tom and Jerry and that must be factual. So the literal meaning of a Hillbilly conjurers up images of Speidi eating garbage – not just being garbage. ZING!

Point: Hillbilly.

2. Online Dictionary Meanings – I use Merriam-Webster Online. I am partial to this website because I wrote an essay about it in college when I took Lexicography: The Making of Dictionaries. It was a chilling piece.

Redneck: sometimes disparaging: a white member of the Southern labor class.

First off, MW straight up calls the word out: disparaging! But it’s only disparaging sometimes though. For example, if you don’t know how to read and someone sends you a letter that starts with “Dear stinky, Redneck…” how can that be disparaging? It’s just a bunch of squiggly lines!

Hillbilly: a person from the backwoods.

Backwoods makes me think of the movie Deliverance. In this movie, a hillbilly tries (I think tries, maybe has success) to rape a city boy who is ordered to squeal like a pig. Both rape and fantasized bestiality are really looked down upon.

Point: Hillbilly. Illiteracy is one thing but we as a society cannot stand for swine rape.

3. Shoes

Rednecks: Cowboy boots or work boots. Nothing wrong with that.

Hillbilly: Mud, twigs, and straw.

Point: Redneck. Shoes are heavy and binding.

4. Cuisine

Redneck: Opossum. Opossums make scary noises and are mean. If some have to die to feed a family so be it.

Hillbilly: Mud, twigs, and straw.

Point: Redneck. Mud that’s heavy in clay has necessary calcium. Everything a pregnant woman needs to nurse! Smart hillbillies.

5. Odd Fact

Redneck: They have reached a high level of success. When I typed in “redneck” to Merriam-Webster, an ad for Jeff Foxworthy came up. No BS. I also typed in “sucks” and an ad for The Hills popped up. ZING, again!

Hillbilly: When I took biology in high school, I remember learning that some hillbillies in the Appalachian Mountains had blue skin because of a genetic disorder and inbreeding. The Na’vi from Avatar are hillbillies!

Point: Hillbilly. Blue skin because of inbreeding is the top of the offensive white person term pyramid!

Score: 3-2. Sorry Rednecks. You’ll just have to carry on maintaining your precious dignity.

More importantly. Point: Me 1, Wife 0.

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