Yesterday, I drank an absurd amount of Crystal Light because we didn’t have any Coke Zero – the beverage that makes up 99.9% of my daily fluid intake. When we ran out of the Zero, I didn’t want to go all the way to the store, so it was either water or flavored water – not really a debate. I made a 2 liter jug of Crystal Light fruit punch and then proceeded to drink it for the next 4 hours as I half-ass drafted fantasy baseball teams and whole-ass watched cartoons. So, (read this in a Jerry Seinfeld voice) what’s the deal with the dye in Crystal Light? What are the people there thinking? Why do we need a dissolving powder drink that contains commercial, textile factory grade dye? Seriously, I could use Crystal Light fruit punch to fix the underarm stains on my red t-shirts. When I woke up this morning, my tongue was still red from drinking Crystal Light the day before, and I swear I brushed my teeth thoroughly the night before – I even went through the alphabet twice!
There has to be a reason for this. Why in the world would Crystal Light want her company to accidentally dye our stuff? Doesn’t she know that more dying agent is more expensive than less dying agent? Maybe Ms. Light wants to leave her mark on all of her drinkers. Maybe it’s a marketing campaign. “Oh, your tongue is red. What were you drinking? Crystal light? Is it good?” Boom! New customer.
Also, most of the Crystal Light flavors are way too strong and sweet. I can hear Wilford Brimley in my head warning me of the dangers of diabetes.
Crystal Light, won’t you just make a flavor that doesn’t taste like anything and is clear?