Friday, September 17, 2010

Weight Control Problem (Part II)

One of the main issues I have with this weight control problem is that I’m really impulsive, almost out of control impulsive. If I want something, I have to have it now... and two of it! I don’t really think about the consequences. Now, obviously this is referring to run-of-the-mill, everyday activities – not criminal activities. I don’t think, hmmm, I want some money. Let me get my gun and go to the bank. It’s more like, gummy bears sound good. I think I’ll get this tub, or I need a new shirt; these three will do. In the moment, anything can sound like a good idea. As you can imagine, this gets me in a small amount of trouble quite often.
Today, I had some time off during work and I went to Subway. Yes, the same Subway that over served mayonnaise to me. I was going to be assertive and specific and tell her I only wanted 4 lines of mayo (Subway, we have to end this petty little tiff!). By the way, if you don’t get what I mean when I say lines, I’m referring to the squirt bottles of condiments they use. They just squeeze and run it from side to side making lines. I pulled up to the Subway and I had money to buy a foot long, Italian sub for me (changing it up, baby!) and a meatball sub for my friend. As I was getting out of the car, I noticed a lady sitting inside of the donut shop next door eating her breakfast. I hesitated to get out of the car because I wanted to hear the sports radio guy’s opinion about the Texans, and I looked up and coincidentally met the lady’s eyes for a second longer than I should have – a second longer than society’s universally accepted contract allows. She knows me now.
I went in to order my food, and the whole time my thoughts were pulsating: Get donut holes. Get donut holes. As I am ordering food, all I can think about is buying donut holes. My Italian sub will be good but the donut holes would be even better. I hastily went through the line forgetting to give her directions about the extra mayonnaise. She didn’t give me 6 lines like last time, but she did hold it and squeeze for far too long. When she first started putting the mayo on my sandwich, she must have gotten shocked by something or had a mini-stroke because she squeezed and didn’t let go; she made a puddle of mayo the size of a Coke can top. I gagged when I ate it later. One day, I’ll learn.
I got my food, walked out of the Subway, and put the sandwiches, drinks, and chips in my car (I got the combo in case you were wondering). Then, I stood up, faced the donut shop, and calmly walked in pretending like I didn’t just buy food from Subway. The lady was still there and our eyes met again and a second too long this time too. I saw that a dozen donut holes were only $2. I always feel bad when I purchase items at a mom and pop place like that and spend $2. How are they going to put their kids through college? I ordered 2 kolaches to make it a bigger purchase. I was outwitting everyone there, I thought. I smugly paid for my items, began my walk out, and made eye contact with the lady again. I paused for a second and muttered to her, “These aren’t just for me.”
I started my 3 minute drive back to work and ate half of the donut holes and both kolaches before I got to work. I offered them to some of the people I eat lunch with and no one wanted one. I guess they were just for me.


  1. I love kolaches, but I almost never get them. However, I have been known to make a visit to The Kolache Factory if I'm forced to go in early for work. Sort of like a reward for starting the work day before 9:30am. On these trips of self-reward, I have no problem convincing myself that it's ok to buy 4 or 5 kolaches, since I won't be back for a long time -- gotta fill up while I can.

    I see two problems: 1) my standards for rewarding myself are comically low, and 2) my idea of a reward includes gorging on meat filled pastries. This cannot end well.

  2. Agreed. I order an extra side everywhere I go. Arby's: 2nd order of curly fries. Wendys: nuggets. McDonalds: shake. Burger King: whopper. James Coney Island: two hot dogs. Whataburger: double cheeseburger with gravy dipping sauce that normally comes with chicken strips. What am I supposed to do, right?

  3. I don't know what a kolache is and now I feel deprived of something that I could crave and then deny myself and feel superior.

    Although I do crave donut holes and I will cave and then feel bad for myself. I am also a victim of the krispy kreme 3 for 2 deal. If you buy 3 donuts you only pay for 2. The sadists!

  4. Kolaches are these sweet, yeasty buns things filled with nuts, cream, and/or filling. They're either of Polish or Czech origin. In Texas, we fill them will sausage, jalepenos, cheese, bacon, etc., etc., etc. They're pretty bad for you but oh so tasty.

  5. The Texans need a new Left Tackle and you eat donuts like lunch time appetizers. Win-win. JV

  6. hahaha too funny! I always monitor the condiment disbursment at Subway. Mayo squeezing out the sides...gag!

  7. Haha! This post is awesome, so glad you shared an older one :) They really, REALLY have a problem here at the German subways with over squeezing. No, I'm sorry, I wanted to taste my sandwich not just that gross German mayo (same as US mayo, just felt right saying gross) but also the bread, meat and vegis. They just don't get it. Maybe we should write a letter to the Subway University. They are teaching Condiments 101 aaaalll wrong!

  8. This post made me giggle! I hate when subway puts way too much sauce on sandwiches. I love sauce, but sometimes I just want a hint of it, not the entire sandwich of it!

    I haven't seen many male bloggers, and I'm glad I stumbled across yours!

    Have a good weekend, thanks for sharing!
    I came from TexaGermaNadian's blog hop :)

  9. Ak, compulsive buying!!! Worst thing EVER! You've made a friend for life at the helm of a donut hole. Brilliant. I like to think that with Subway, they go large on the over squeezing and slim on the olives and pickles. What the heck?

    I popped over from TexaGermaNadian's hop, thanks for a good laugh!

  10. I'm the same way with cookies. Gah! I think I'll eat one and then I eat 6 without even knowing what the hell is happening.
    I popped over from the storyteller hop. Nice to meet your blog!