Sunday, January 23, 2011

Well, It's Kind of Like Herpes - Part II

Welcome back to the exciting conclusion of Well, It’s Kind of Like Herpes. If you’re reading this and have no idea what I’m talking about, read this first.

My friend was in a state of misery. He finally found the magical (or is competent the right word?) doctor who could diagnose the problem. The doctor gave him a quick once over and solved the curious case of the incredible Mr. Itchy. My friend had scabies. Scabies is probably best compared to body lice. Basically, little parasites had been burrowing into his skin for 3 or 4 months. They were making his skin their home and apparently, living quite nicely. Maybe having tiny dinner parties and taking their kids to soccer practice.

To be honest, I don’t know much about scabies other than the symptoms; therefore, I will go to the easiest (though possibly inaccurate) source. According to Wikipedia, scabies is a condition that is best associated with poor hygiene and overpopulated areas. I’m going to give my friend credit and assume he took regular showers in college though I never actually saw him in the shower; he might have just turned on the shower for effect. As far as overpopulated situations go, the University of Texas was 55,000 people strong when we went there. If you’re not from Texas, you might not know this but Austin is basically the largest hippie commune in the south. I took a class called Anarchy and Socialism in Brazil in college, and I was the only person who wore shoes to class and wasn’t accompanied by a stink cloud (a la Pig Pen from Peanuts). I imagine every one of them had every itchy bug in the medical textbook playing hacky sack on their grass. UT’s parking situation is a nightmare, so most people ride buses to and from campus. We lived off campus, so we all rode the bus at least twice a day – and so did the hippies. We all hypothesized that he got scabies from utilizing public transportation. Some hippie’s dirty bugs took a ride on the bus and hitch-hiked a ride on my buddy.

On the bright side, this doctor gave him a prescription for some scabies killing lotion. He literally went home, put the lotion all over his body, and within 24 hours, he was cured. Literally, 4 months of this problem and, POOF, it’s gone. This was just in time because some of us in the apartment felt like his scabies were gunning for us next. I guess it is human nature to see someone constantly scratching and just imagine these little bugs burrowing, crapping, and procreating in their skin. I could just feel them in my arm hair, my chest hair, my… well, you get the picture. Consequently, everyone took a little scabies lotion bath. The problem was finally solved. Scabies finally left our lives after creating so much misery and devastation. My friend could finally sit on the couch with the rest of us.


  1. And I thought having crabs sucked. Yech!

  2. So it turned out to be scabies this whole time?? I had a few herpes scares in my day... the worst was when this girl I was hooking up with had a prescription bottle out in the open... I asked what it was and she said Percocet... So i figured I'd grab a couple and down a few beers... then I look at the bottle and it said Acyclovir (Herpes med)... After having a panic attack for about 5 minutes, I looked at the name on the script and it was her roommate's... PHEW

  3. I stopped reading at scabies in fear that I would get them too. Yucky yucky yuck. But funny story! And wow, 4 months is a long time to go with all that itching!

  4. That is just so, so wrong...and to think it just disappeared like POOF. I would have been quite relieved if not a little ticked off that it took so long for a competent doctor to see the situation. :-P

    -Barb the French Bean

  5. Thanks, I will be itching for the rest of the day. So creeped out right now, I may never go anywhere public AGAIN. Not knowing anything about scabies, I wonder why the rest of the roommates did not pick up the little visitors.

    My daughter got lice in elementary school and I almost burned down the whole house in paranoia. The directions I got to "clean" the menace out of the household... well burning just sounded easier.

  6. To A Beer for The Shower-

    I imagine this was probably worse because it covered his whole body - I'm sure pubic area included. He's the only one that knows for sure, and I doubt he'll comment on my blog. He didn't seem to pleased when I showed this to him.

    To Noog-

    Yeah, the herp would be bad. That's 4 life (as Marky Mark in Fear would say)

    To TexaGermaNadian-

    Yeah, I got a shiver up my spine a few times just writing it. I could just imagine these little bugs crawling all over my body.

    BTW, I've written your blog name a couple of times now, and for some reason, I can never get it right on the first try.

    To French Bean & Coffee Bean-

    That would be a funny lawsuit to sue a doctor over. "Judge, my doctor couldn't figure out what was making me itch. It was scabies, dammit! SCABIES!"

    To Life's Highway-

    I didn't mention it in the post but we sterilized the apartment afterward. I think we even filled super soakers with iodine to really get in every nook and cranny :)

    To Watchman-

    This was 12 years ago. That would be freakin' GREAT if it came back, but stronger.

    SCABIES II - These bugs are lotion resistant!

  7. *cringes*
    I...have to go clean my house now. Repeatedly.