Wednesday, January 19, 2011

What's the deal with cashiers?

I bought some compressor shorts today, and no, this post isn’t about how free and easy chafe-less running feels. I paid for my shorts with cash and was served with the usual paper and metal money sandwich, with a useless side of receipt. Is this taught to cashiers – part of their training is to hand out the receipt, followed by cash, and topped with change? Why do all three of these things need to be given to me at once in one open hand? Maybe if I carried around a burlap sack, I could just shove all of this crap in it. Whatever someone puts in my hand, I could just crumble up and jam it in. Unfortunately, I only have Crown Royal sacks, and those are for keeping pennies – house pennies, not out-and-about pennies! I mean, come on, imagine me walking around with a Crown Royal sack tied to my belt in public? I’d look like a damn fool. 

Think about the logic of this situation: the paper cash, change, and receipt come from the cashier already sorted. Why the hell would the cashier create this mess? It’s like a jigsaw puzzle: here’s what it should look like. Here’s a mess of pieces. Put it back together. Cashier, give me the paper money to put in my wallet, and then the change to put in my pocket. I want the receipt, too, so I can throw it in the trash on the way out. Also, half of the time this process turns into an explosion of paper and pennies. If the cashier and I aren’t in complete unison, the transaction ends with me splitting my pants because I have to bend over to look for that quarter that when AWOL. You know like I do, when I eventually find that allusive piece of change, I’m on all fours, looking under some lady’s cart, and it ends up being a damn penny. 

I know this is different for women, but it’s similar. They don’t just shove it all in their purse, and if they do, they sort it out later. We need to all band together and specifically ask for the pieces of the transaction to be handed out separately. I, for one, will put my hand out, and when the cashier places whatever is first in my hand, I’ll quickly jerk my hand back and put it in its proper place. I’ll continue this until the transfer is complete. If this catches on, the cashiers will have something to talk about at their next cashier’s meeting. We have to act as a society, people. Do you want to be a spineless consumer? Let the Best Buys, HEBs, and KFCs of the world know: we will not be slightly inconvenienced!


  1. I used to be a cashier... for a long time... I have to say, it's not about your convenience. You, as the customer, can step off to the side and sort your shit out. Me as the person working? I'm just trying to get you out of the way so that I can help the next person as quickly and efficiently as possible because if I take too long bitches goin' be complainin' to my boss. Or at the very least, they're going to be complaining to ME and I don't want to hear it.

    Though I LOVE the battle cry "We will not be slightly inconvenienced!"


  2. To TKChan-

    "... and that's why I was the worst cashier ever." :)

  3. I'm voting for the crown royal bag. If every guy walked around with his own little purple velvet purse, the world would be a much nicer place.

    And me too: I think we should all open our windows and scream - "We will not be slightly inconvenienced" like in Network (an awesome movie to be watching on a college campus).

  4. To Life's Highway-

    It seems like "We will not be slightly inconvenienced" should become the new motto of this website. We will persevere! We will overcome!

  5. It's payback time! crumbled up dollars and pennies mashed together and given to tonight's HEB cashier muahahhaah.... Eat that!


  6. Cashiers are probably told to complete the transaction as quickly as possible, and that's the method they were taught...

    either that or there's a huge conspiracy among all cashiers to piss off customers. they get gratification from seeing the look on our faces (the "fuck" look) when we get a bunch of shit put in our hands.

    a cashier is probably reading this right now and is like "fuck, the consumers are onto us!"

    a solution for this is to get a pocket sewn onto the crotch of my pants and make them come undesirably close to my genitals when i tell them where to put the money/receipt. they'll be like "i'm not doing that!" and i'll be like "well hand my receipt, cash and change to me in a proper fucking fashion, and pass the message along to your minions"

  7. I loved this post. I literally laughed out loud several times. Funny topic and funny wordplay.

  8. I can't stop smiling at the image of the crown royal bag full of pennies hanging from a man's belt.

    *Edit: I submitted the above comment and my captcha word was KOOTIE. hehe