Cardio Sucks Vol. 1 - Running

This is the worst one – for several reasons. First off, it’s just hard to do. If you’re already fat, this is hard because of the stress your fat adds to your knees by bouncing up and down as you run. It’s like running with a Hefty bag filled with cookie dough on your back, but for me, it’s more like a smaller Wal-Mart bag.

Running also sucks because I get into this mathematical mind game with myself. I usually run on the treadmill because it’s 100 degrees most of the time in Houston or 100% humidity – pick your poison. When I run on the treadmill, I start counting how many steps I take every 10 seconds, every 30 seconds, every minute, and so on. After doing this and getting a good bead on how many steps I take in a minute, I figure out how many steps I’ll need to take to run for 30 minutes. After that, running becomes counting. Obsessively counting, losing track of my number, starting over. I mainly lose track because I’m listening to music. I listen to horrible yet catchy music when I run. It goes like this: I'm a get your heart racing… 3… 4… 5… In my skin tight jeans… 10… 11… 12…Be your teenage dream tonight… 15… 16… 17… Let you put your hands on me… 20… 21… 22…In my skin tight jeans… 11… 12… 13… Be your teenage dream tonight. By the end of my run, all my brain can associate with running is frustration. Why would I want to feel my belly being tossed around and my brain frustrated all in the name of exercise?