Ultra Paranoia II

As previously mentioned in Ultra Paranoia, I believe people are planning on storming my house and pillaging my goods. The past couple of nights have been even worse than usual because I saw Paranormal Activity 2. I haven’t seen a scary movie in a long time. In fact, the last two scary movies I’ve seen are Saw and Signs. Yes, the fact that I list Signs as a scary movie shows how wussy I truly am. Saw wasn’t that scary because I watched it on a TV that wasn’t that loud and in a room that wasn’t that dark. Also, the acting was subpar at best; I expect Shakespearean actors in my slasher flicks! My friend, Mike, and I went to the movies on Sunday to see PA 2, and I’ve been sort of a wreck since (Mike said he almost pooped himself when his cat jumped in the bed in the middle of the night).

The movie isn’t really that scary; it should be called Things Jumping Out 2. That was enough to make me extremely uneasy. When I left, I was a jittery mess. I kept looking over my shoulder when I was walking to my car – I even did that IN my car. When I got home, I asked my wife to stay up later than me so I would be able to fall asleep. She promptly fell asleep just minutes later. She wasn’t up to protect me. I was alone, so I didn’t sleep all night. It was uncharacteristically windy in Houston and things were going bump in the night. Also, our redneck neighbors work in their garage almost every night, which is right next to our bedroom. They are professional go-carts drivers or shoe fixer gnomes like in Tom and Jerry – something that requires late night work. They were bonking around that night, of course.

I eventually fell asleep. After sleeping what seemed like a minute, I woke up drenched in sweat – not normal night sweat, scary movie sweat. I thought about demons and ghosts on the way to work, at work, and after work. I don’t know how I’ve gotten over it but you’ll be glad to know that I have. Luckily, the amount of reality TV I’ve been subjected to over the years has scrambled my brain. I can’t remember what happened an hour ago much less in a movie three days ago. It’s like Men in Black and the mind eraser things they use. My wife is the man in black and Real Housewives of Washington D.C. is the mind eraser. Thanks wife!

 P.S. The secret of Prof. Wienerton is revealed on my About Me page. It's pretty lame actually.