Sunday, October 24, 2010

Feelin’ Stupid Part III

I drive a school bus. Well, actually, I coach swimming and we’re told to learn to drive a bus because it saves money. So I coach and driving the school bus is a byproduct of that. Truth be told, it’s actually much more convenient having me drive us around instead of another person. Anyways, getting my Commercial Driver’s License (CDL) was an overall horrifying experience. I think most people would agree that going to the DPS is one of the worst things in life. You are forced to wallow with the troglodytes, to bump elbows with the unwashed masses. That might sound harsh but it’s true. For example, in Texas, sex offenders have blue IDs that are different from everyone else’s. I’ve seen two different people with them at the DPS. I have sat in a room where I know I am with SEX OFFENDERS.
Well, here’s the feelin’ stupid part. To get a CDL, people are required to take 6 tests. I think I’m a pretty smart guy, so I didn’t study at all; I very arrogantly thought, I’m smarter than a bus driver. I learned quickly that I am not smarter than a bus driver. In fact, I am much dumber – probably. I walked into the DPS for the first time and was relegated to the unwritten rule that the DPS will takes no less than 3 hours. I specifically remember doodling all over (never reading) the bus driver study packed the entire time as I inched forward to show these people a thing or two about test taking. When I finally got to the front, they showed me to this little room with computers where I would be taking these tests. They explained that I could only take three tests a day (by the way, what the hell kind of torture is that? We are making you come here twice! Mwa.. mwa.. mwahahahahahah!) I can’t remember the exact amount of questions per test, but I do know that if you miss a certain amount it would fail you before you even finished. Oh how I know that.
The first test: failed. Second test: failed. Third test: failed. They are apparently hard tests. Like, I needed to know the inner workings of the brake system. For some reason, the state doesn’t want unqualified idiots driving their children around. Huh. Eventually, the evil DPS lady (because she makes the rules I’m sure) waddled in and told me to come back tomorrow. The weight of this hit me. I would have to come back no less than two times. I remember feeling like I was going to cry. I’ve never felt like that as an adult. I would have to walk out of this building whimpering and teary eyed in front of these... people. If the sex offenders saw me crying, they'd take that as a weakness and pounce. I had to be strong. I walked through the parking lot in a daze with the thought of punching holes in every car window in the parking lot. Luckily, I didn’t do that, but I did feel a lot of self-pity; I think I got ice cream instead.

Ultimately, I had to go back two more times, and I passed the tests. The day that I finished all of the work for this (it also required about 20 hours of driving and 20 hours of class work) I remember feeling like it was one of the best days of my life. 1. Getting married. 2. Buying a house. 3. Passing the bus driving test. 4. Graduating college.


  1. Ha!

    I loath the DMV. They are my nemesis.

  2. To Laura-

    Isn't it weird to have this thing that everyone, universally hates?

    Also, could you imagine working there? Talk about self-loathing