Friday, October 29, 2010

Feelin’ Stupid Part IV

If you’ve read my blog before, you know that I am quite the fast food connoisseur. Being as experienced as I am, I have noticed quite an annoying trend at these establishments over the years. There is no standard size variation. There is no longer just a small, medium, and large. Some places have extra large now, while some use their special name to indicate the size (i.e. Whatasize or a Biggie Drink). This is annoying because I have to look at the menu to figure out what size I want. I can’t just say large because that might not be the largest. I just point like an infant who can’t read and indicate the one I want. The problem isn’t feeling like the name of the size is arbitrary like Paul Rudd’s character rants about in Role Models; the problem is the extra hidden size (or medium is the smallest or large isn’t the largest). It’s frustrating and I hope Bill Wendy’s, Juan T. Bell, and Dick Whataburger are reading this!

So here’s what makes me feel stupid. When I get my drink, I have trouble figuring out the accurate sized lid to put on my drink. I always stand there carefully trying to figure out which one matches the top of my container. I feel like Indiana Jones in The Last Crusade trying to pick Jesus’ cup, hoping I won’t wither and die in a matter of seconds for choosing incorrectly. I really think hard before I select. Don’t blow it. Don’t blow it. Don’t blow it. Bam, blew it! This ALWAYS happens. I get a lid, see that it doesn’t fit, and throw it away. Who wants a lid with someone else’s Coke residue already on it?
This reminds me of the toys that involve putting a peg through a hole. I guess I was the kid who put the square peg in the round hole.


  1. I refuse to play the name game. I just say Small/Medium/Large and let them correct me if they want. I refuse to say "Mc" or "Whata" anything. It's just silly and I think they do it just so they can smirk at you as you order.

    At Cold Stone, the sizes are "Like It/Love It/and Gotta Have It" and the ice cream names themselves are ridiculous. So your order would be something like, "I'll take a Gotta Have It Cookie Doughn't You Want Some." Try saying that without sounding like an idiot. Ridiculousness!

  2. To Cara-

    Those stupid restaurants! I never realized this issue until I was at Jason’s Deli with my dad and he refused to place his order as the “Meata Balla.”

  3. Don't even get me started with Star Bucks, I refuse to play their cup games. I just point at the cup I want and glare defiantly at the coffee-master who will always dare to correct me or make me say it. I won't say it - venti - I won't!

  4. To lifeshighway-

    I really think there is some marketing ploy to get people to call certain sizes by the company name. Like, they want you to go to a restaurant and order a Venti coffee.

    Kleenex won. Xerox won. Starbucks shall not!!!

  5. Exactly and I am not saying McChicken either!

  6. I've been known to up-size a combo or two in my day. One day I made the mistake of What-a-sizing my meal at Wendy's. Now, I'm not a professional order taker at a multi-national fast food restaurant, but I bet I could probably decipher a customer request such as this*. I was, however, met with a blank stare and a dull "Huh?" I repeated myself a couple times before it clicked in my head that I actually wanted to Biggie Size my meal.

    ( * Seriously, even if you've never heard of Whataburger, you're telling me you don't get what it means when I say I want to WHAT A SIZE something? If I'm remarking on the size of something, it's either unusually small or unusually large. And no one visiting a fast food restaurant in the History of Fat People ever asked for a smaller anything.)

    Anyway, I think the moral of this story is that I eat too many french fries.

  7. Maybe the Wendy's workers have such fervor that they refuse to recognize other fast food establishments. When you asked for the What-a-size, did she spit on your face or burn you with French fry grease?