Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Man vs. Pugs III

I’ve got it figured out why my pugs want to kill me: it’s because I tease them. Who would have thought that little animals don’t like being teased? Well, my pugs don’t seem to like it. Who knows, maybe they are sadists. Some of you might have read the other day on my Facebook status that I had some trouble getting into a pesky bag of pepperonis while I was driving home from the store. You’ll be glad to hear that I have since gotten into the aforementioned pepperonis; that safe was cracked with a golf tee.

Now, when I want a snack, I grab a handful of pepperonis and munch on them while I watch TV. Sampson and Earl, my pugs, both thoroughly enjoy these pepperonis as well – cured meats are one of our shared interests. These pepperonis come at a price for them, mind you. I’ll give them a half a pepperoni every now and again but with a bit of teasing. I call them names like “nerd” or “fatty” before I give them one. But seriously, I pretend I’m feeding them and my hand is an airplane that makes a u-turn to my mouth. Sometimes, I throw one up in the air and say, “Fight for it my pretties!” Their growling and aggressive jumping indicates to me that they don’t seem to like this. If you have dogs, you know what I’m talking about. Teasing them is part of showing them who’s the pack leader.

Yesterday, I was relieving myself, and as they watched me, as they always do (they are into to that kind of stuff – pervs), I happened to be messing with my phone at the same time. This phone play required both of my hands (my Smurf garden wasn’t going to tend to itself!), so I just dropped my trousers to my ankles. I mean, I’m the only one in there so who cares, right? As I held my shirt bottom up with my chin, Earl started to crawl between my legs – the very legs that were fettered like a turn of the century inmate. As he wiggled through (he’s a 23 lb pug so he roots like a pig), I began to lose my balance. I had to make a quick decision of what’s more important: my iPhone or my aim. Needless to say, my pugs won that battle and made me look like a jackass. While I cleaned the bathroom, they both sat down and watched with a superior sense of satisfaction. I could see it in their eyes.


  1. One way or another, our pets do get us back...

    (I totally had to laugh at the imagery that came to mind as I read this!)

    -Barb the French Bean

  2. Happened to be messing with your phone? I feel like that might be a normal occurance. :)

  3. I cannot for the life me understand what would be so important on your phone that could not wait the what, 10 - 20 second required to pee.

    Unless we are talking Angry Birds, and then I completely understand.

  4. I hate missing the toilet. But, sometimes it just can't be helped.

  5. i laughed hard when i read "smurf garden"... i teased my friend's dog yesterday and he almost bit my hand off...

  6. Now, the question is, did you have to clean the ceiling?
    Funny Stuff I Write

  7. My cats try to do that to me when I'm on the toilet. They try to pretend they're cuddling and being affectionate, but I know that type of behavior doesn't involve that many claws on bare skin.