Friday, December 10, 2010

An Open Letter to the People in and around my Neighborhood

An Open Letter to the People in and around my Neighborhood-

I think some of you may be taking advantage of the good people at Kroger’s grocery store. Don’t get me wrong – I’m with you. It happens to all of us. Sometimes when I go to the store, I’m too lazy to roll the shopping cart to the proper cart return area, and I’ll just leave it between my car and the car across from me. It’s not hurting anyone, and sooner or later someone who works there or another customer will bring it back to the front. My concern is I don’t think the Kroger’s workers will walk to your apartment to get the shopping cart back. I mean, it’s a pretty far walk and I think their jurisdiction ends at the parking lot. Believe me, I wish we could take shopping carts home too. I could totally use something that rolls to transport the clothes from the dryer to the bedroom. Or I could use it for firewood. How much easier would it be to just roll that bad buy up from the garage to the house? Alas, this isn’t a perfect world, you know? Those shopping carts belong to Bill Kroger. You can’t just leave them out front by that small tree next to the Mexican newspaper machine. 

Apartment dwellers who take the shopping cart home, you need to roll the cart back when you finish. I know what you’re thinking: I don’t have time for that! But, seriously, if you’re taking the cart home, you don’t have a car, right? If you don’t have a car, what the hell could you possibly be doing with your day? Like, you can’t go anywhere, so you must have free time. So, come on, let’s roll her back. 

People down the street who had a tipped over shopping cart on the small strip of grass next to their house for far too long, what are you doing? I’ve seen your cars, so why do you have a shopping cart in your yard? I’m not sure if you know this, but shopping carts aren’t generally used as decorations. In fact, most people would say it makes you look like a piece of crap. I know what you’re thinking: But I didn’t do it, some apartment dwellers must have left it! Well, guess what? They aren’t going to come back, get it and roll it to Kroger’s. It’s your job now. If you leave it there, these people will think it’s ok and your house will become the shopping buggy hub. We don’t need one in our neighborhood. There is a shopping buggy hub at Kroger’s already – it’s by the front where the automatic doors are located. 

Apartment dwellers and piece of crap at the end of the street, we can do a better job of making our community look better. I think we should begin with putting shopping carts back where they belong. Look, when I go to the store, I’ll make sure to cart my buggy back to the right shopping cart drop off place to practice what I preach. Deal?

Next, we can talk about cutting down the deflated, silver birthday balloon that’s been stuck in your tree for a year and half. One step at a time, right?

The One Menacingly Staring at You through the Blinds of my House


  1. Where is this wonderland, because once you have shopping carts and old Mylar balloons you are one step away from true entertainment.

    The pugs scare me.

  2. I thought this blog was funny and socially relevant. People shouldn't leave shopping carts in the parking lot, or side of the road, or in the bayou. They also shouldn't throw trash out of their car windows,etc. Rich, poor or anywhere in between, whether they're conscious of it or not, everyone feels better living in a clean environment.

  3. Hahaha! And, awesome illustration :)

  4. Fun-friggin'-tastic. Now I feel the need to peruse your older post. A Product of Silence? I say, A Product of Yay.

  5. Yes! I am just bugged by the people who don't return their shopping cart to its little home stall in the parking lot. I cannot even imagine if they were littered all over the neighborhood. Maybe you should round up a group of other do-gooders and ya'll could have a shopping cart wranglin' posse! Good luck with the problem, and I am really glad I stopped by. Looking forward to having a better look around and already enjoying all the cartoons along the side :)

  6. I'd approve if you did send this letter. You gave me a great laugh. I'll enjoy looking around!