Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Random Notes II

Today, a student offered a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup to me, and without even thinking, I accepted. I know him well; he behaves, works hard, and is always polite, so I wasn’t worried that it was a laxative or had staples pushed up inside of it waiting to puncture my palate. The only problem with the piece of candy was that it was really warm. I had this moment of hesitation because I could imagine it in his pants the whole day. What a gross thought. The warmth radiating from the piece of candy was from his loins.

I ate it anyway. It was warm yet delicious going down my throat.


My wife and I were watching International l House Hunters the other day, and when the buyer met the real estate agent for the first time, they exchanged simple pleasantries.

Buyer: It’s great to meet you.

Agent: It’s good to meet you.

Does the agent not really want to meet this potential buyer? Does she feel like she’s met better clients? Isn’t it awkward when it’s great to meet someone, but they’re only slightly interested to meet you (at least by their greeting)?

“It’s good to meet you, but the last lady was much more attractive. God, you’re so… unattractive.”

“It’s good to meet you, but the last lady brought some Werther’s Originals.”

“It’s good to meet you, but the last lady offered to wash my hair for free. I took the offer, and I still feel like I’m walking on air.”

“It’s good to meet you, but the last lady was a war vet. What have you done?”

When people meet each other, they need to use the same degree of excitement. If the second person one-ups the first person then person two looks like a jerk, as well.
Same degree of excitement, people!


I referenced this in the booger post but didn’t really get into it. Aren’t there variances on the word so?

He went to the store, so she waited for him in the bushes. 

He went to the store, and she was so tired of waiting for him in the bushes.

Wouldn’t this follow the pattern of to and too (sort of)? Too can be a degree. So can be a degree.  How tired are you? Too tired. So tired. I think we need to complicate our already clunky language and add soo to the English lexicon.


I think if I were dating these days, I would use someone’s DVR to determine whether or not they were actually date-able. Or better yet, I’d have them look at my DVR to see if they really want to spend their time dating me. Here is what is on the DVR at my house: Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, Wolverine and the X-Men, Young Justice, American Dad!, and Pardon the Interruption. For any of you grown-ups or non-nerds, those are mostly cartoons with a touch of sports. Luckily, DVR hadn’t been invented when I was in college because I’m not sure if I would have found a match. 

Maybe there should be a dating website based on DVR recordings. However, I doubt there would be too many male suitors for my wife and her shows (Millionaire Matchmaker, Real Housewives of ______, The Bachelor, etc.), and I think the men that watch those shows wouldn’t be too interested in my wife. Maybe this would be a better friend matcher. “Oh, you like to watch South Park? Me too. Let’s be friends.”

 (The as instead of is is a weird, mutant Canadian thing)


  1. Very excellent random. You need to get over to Keely the Un-Mom and link up with her Random Tuesday Thoughts. I feel sure we need to get your message of dorkiness out to the people.

    Honestly? Very funny stuff.

  2. Yes, the Un Mom (didn't see contact info on the blog [maybe I'm too lazy/tired to see it?] so here's the link):


    Thanks for the unconditional subjugation you promised to my blog. That's what you meant, right? And now you'll do my bidding? Mwahahaha. . .

  3. Why must it be a weird mutant 'Canadian' thing eh?

  4. To AbsolutelyPrimed-

    I guess you aren't nerdy enough. Wolverine is Canadian. No joke :)

  5. I think my world would end if I finally got to meet Wolverine and he wanted to watch the frakkin' BACHELOR.

    I shall now crawl around in your archives because this entire blog is awesome.

  6. I'm sure this was a very great and hilarious post but I kept being distracted by the boner illustration.

    I guess someone really loves their reeses cup.

  7. lol I actually love watching house hunters, it's kind of fun to see places from different countries.

  8. Crawling around in someone's archives sounds kinda dirty and fun. I'm glad you enjoyed the warm loin cup. I used to buy sugar babies and keep them in my pocket for hours so they would be nice and soft when I ate them. I shared them too. Now I wonder how many people thought of my warm loins as I did...
    Funny Stuff I Write

  9. To AbsolutelyPrimed-

    Also, it was a typo by me and I tried to cover it.

    To Keely-

    Thanks for coming along! I don't really have a good suggestion of where to start. I'd use the pictures on the sidebar as a guide.

    To Life's Highway-

    He doesn't have a boner! It's just his hand searching his pocket. NO boner!

    To Zoe-

    IHH is pretty sweet, I have to admit. It's nice to know my wife and I could afford a shack in the middle of nowhere in Slovenia.

    To Charlie Pulsipher-

    "Would you like some of sugar babies gently warmed by my man region?"

    That's just waiting for a sexual harrassment suit!

  10. I think the DVR dating idea is genius! You could have it set up to even disallow people from trying to friend you if they watch something like Jersey Shore! Hahahaha!

    I would have married you based on your DVR recordings.

    Unfortunately I am not included in this club as I no longer have cable :(


  11. To TKChan-

    You like my recordings, huh? Are you an 8 year old boy? :)

  12. interesting. i lulzed. i like your writing style. very entertaining

  13. Hey, I am really happy I came across your blog, you crack me up seriously! I'm following, also like your name, as I am from Utah :D

  14. You, sir, are a faacking genius... I'd love to work on a post with you sometime man... throw me an email and we can get the ball rolling! You have some of the best ideas of any blog I've seen....

  15. To Arcita-

    Thank you very much! I try my best.

    To BlahCooCooBlah-

    Thanks for following! I enjoy your blog as well. I've already made a not so hilarious comment on your newest post.

    To Noog-

    Oh, Noog, thank you so much for the compliment. I'll send you an email over the weekend. BTW, YOUR blog is the best. I obviously love it and my wife does too (which is a bigger compliment! - because she has more class and is better than me :))